What Is Love Language?
A love language is a language spoken, understood and communicated to by ones spouse or partner and vice versa.
It comes in different types and dialects… Lol, i know right?
But why have I decided to discuss this with you today?
Smiles , I just finished this book, “The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman” it was so inspiring and true, so I thought to share. Many of us must have heard and read it, that’s good!
Why should you care?
If your love language was discovered and known, it will enable your partner love you in the way you desire to be loved. Thereby, always having your love tank full!
By love tank I mean the reason you married her in the first place. That is, why you love her so much.
Many marriages and relationships have speedily gone down the drain because of one thing or the other.
But all or most reason/s are backed up with the fact that they did not know there love language, they couldn’t understand there partner anymore, they lost the IN-LOVE experience…
Therefore, failed to last long in marriage.
However, why am I telling you all this when you’re probably not married yet?
Imagine you had the key to a house full of billions of dollars… That means when you get to the door mouth, you don’t have to break your way in, all you need do is use the key already given to you, right?
Yes, likewise this. It will,
- Save you the pain, agony and heartbreak of loosing the one you love so dearly.
- Save you some money, by not going for a lot of annoying counseling.
- Enable your married life be as sweet as honey and as rosy as rose flower … Hehe!
Nevertheless, immediately after courtship, entering into marriage, things change. The euphoric experience of falling in love, starts to fade away.
Whenever you’re in love, you do things you know if you were sober, you’d never had done. It’s like getting high on cocaine and alcohol mixed (Tbh, I don’t know how that feels, but I have a feeling it defines the word ‘Crazy’ perfectly.)
This I know you’d agree with me.
But once married, you get committed to just one person, you see that person every single day… You then start to see things from a clearer lens (love is no longer blind.)
But what makes it last??
So… How can you find your love language?
There are 5 Love Languages in every -ship. Teenagers, singles, marriages, in relation to God, to your Children, and so on.
- Words of Affirmation.
- Quality Time.
- Receiving Gifts.
- Acts of Service.
- Physical Touch.
In each language, there are various dialects as I said earlier. Just like the Ibo lang. with Owerri, Anambra’s dialects.
It has being proven that if one successfully finds and communicate fluently the right love language to his/her spouse, their love tank will overflow with love.
And there would be a positive change in his/her behavior towards you. She would start loving you back. Reciprocating every bit, open to the fact that she knows yours too.
Let’s keep this short & simple. Shall we?
Words of Affirmation
“The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. It’s a fact, however, that when we receive affirming words we are far more likely to be motivated to reciprocate.”
If hearing encouraging words from your partner, makes you feel loved… Like, you feel pleased when he says, “You’re beautiful.” Or “I’m so proud of you.” Or “I’m so lucky to have you as my wife/Gf.”
Like they don’t just make you smile, they make you feel loved and it affirms that he loves you… Then this may be your language.
- Encouraging words.
Encouragement requires everything and seeing the world from your spouse’s perspective. We must first learn what is important to our spouse. Love is a choice. “To inspire Courage.”
- Kind words .
Love is kind. If you are to develop an intimate relationship, you need to know each other’s desires. If you wish to love each other, you need to know what the other person wants.
In essence, speak kindly to her. Let her know you love her, don’t assume she knows. Words are important!
- Humble words.
Quite self explanatory. Two words, humbly ask. Don’t make demands, or commands, simply make a request.
And many other various dialects.
Remember, words are important!!!!
A time out without the children, a time alone. Giving your partner your undivided attention, not eating and watching TV and also listening to her, but pausing all those other things and paying a close attention.
Having quality conversation, brings about togetherness.
It’s scientifically proven that an average human being, takes about 7secs before interrupting a conversation.
Note: Don’t interrupt when she decides to talk or spend some quality time with you. If she tells you her problems, don’t be quick to provide a solution. She might just want a listening ear, someone to lean on, someone to understand her pain.
- When talking, maintain eye contacts.
- Never engage in something else while listening to your spouse at the same time.
- Listen for feelings.
- Observe her body language.
- Refuse the urge to interrupt (I think I’m really good at that .)
“If your spouse’s primary love language is receiving Gifts, you can become a proficient gift giver. In fact, it is one of the easiest love language to learn.”
The above is an excerpt from the book.
This language set only feels loved when he/she receives a gift. It shows that there spouse cares and loves them.
Without gifts as visual symbols, you may question her love. Whether expensive (bought) or free (handwritten or picked like a flower.)
Don’t wait for a special day before purchasing a gift for her. Surprise her sometimes.
- Gifts and Money.
Meet her emotional needs. Invest in your spouse full tank of love.
- The Gift of Self/Presence
Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you could ever give if your spouse’s primary language is Receiving Gifts.
Crisis is inevitable in life. Being there for her, being the shoulder she cries on, would speak louder than any other thing to her. Be there, wipe her tears away, care and love her
Acts of Service
This language sef like work ehn… Lol.
Actually it’s true. Doing things you know your spouse would love you to do; like keeping the house clean, wishing the car or bathroom, painting the children’s room, making dinner before he/she get back and so on.
Our sages say, “Those who are great, are servers.” They help, they give, they assist.
“Requests give direction to love but demands stop the flow of love.”
Remember to always ask nicely. If she truly loves you, she will do it for you.
And last but not least…
“Physical Touch can either make or break a relationship. It can communicate love or hate.”
The body is for touching. A hug, kiss, cuddle, holding of hands, rubbing shoulders, little massage on the shoulders (not necessarily sexual intercourse) and so on, is important to the one that has his/her language as physical touch.
Without out it he feels unloved and uncared for.
“Most sexual problem in marriage have little to do with physical technique but everything to do with meeting emotional needs”
Now, in most cases, guys claim that this is there language because they like sex… No, search deeply… What does she do that makes you happy all the time?
I hope you discover yours, because it’s a great thing. Plus, I have discovered mine too . Ask and I’ll tell you .
For more information or questions, Comment below, I’ll surely reply to all.
P.S. This words and pictures were gotten from the book; “The five love languages by Gary Chapman.”
Also I’m sorry I took much time to update my blog. There’s no excuse, I was just too lazy!
Nevertheless, have a great week ahead!